I’m here in switzerland for few days, with my aunt, and my two cousins.
In those days I think my silence and meditation bring me in the right way, I decided a Lot ‘bout new diets, even to start boxing. I like it for a long time but I was an hockey player and boxe wasn t in my plans, now I want sonething new, for change.
And i had discovered that alina maksimenko is my same height. SHES A THINSPO!
I want to lose weigh. Yep!
I don’t want to count how many calories has desperation .
In those days I m binging. When I start such this, every fucking time I can’t stop. I’d lost 3 kg, but I’m pretty sure that I have them again, back on my legs. My fucking fat legs.
My boyfriend doesn’t know , I think he ask to my best friend if I’m depressed.
Oh, yes I am.
But only because my fucking wheight is too high.
Once upon a time, it seems a lot of time, but its only the first anniversary, in those days i were at home again. Before hospital. Before few days in my bed. Before everybody looks at me because i was beautifoul. I was pure, without material intrests , and I was light..
I remember that i always think that If i was light enought i Can fly.
But it not happened .
I wasnt enought thin, i was only 45 kg per 175 cm.
They Make me i, even if at the beginning i wont eat, i remember, the first time that i drink a sugared drink.
For drinking an o.j. I need 2 hours.
Here I am now. Im fat. A fat pig.
I want back my legs…
I don’t wont those 25 kilos over… I don’t want to be’ such fat..
And feel full. Dirty. Stupid.
I want my life back.